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funny dog jokes

Dog Pet Peeves about Humans – Dog Humor

Dog Pet Peeves

  1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
  2. Blaming your farts on me…not funny.
  3. Yelling at me for barking… I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG YOU IDIOT!!
  4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
  5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who’s walk is this anyway?
  6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…stop it.
  7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why’d you buy carpet?
  8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet…idiot.
  9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re just jealous.
  10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.
  11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your shit up when you’re not home.
  12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
  13. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”, then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
  14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
  15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn’t yet solved the visible fence problem!!

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As featured on:
Tampa Dog Training Socialization Class InterviewFor Her, Training Dogs is a Walk in the ParkHelene Scott on NBS's DaytimeThe Tampa TribuneBeing the Alpha Dog is a Lot Harder than you ThinkIn the Loop
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“Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary” – Dog Humor

What Your Dog is Writing

Day number 180

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am – OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am – OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm – OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm – OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM – OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM – OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

What Your Cat is Writing

DAY 752

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 765

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer”. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

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florida dog training school
*** We Can Train ANY Dog ***
Call now for a FREE evaluation.
813-951-4480

As featured on:
Tampa Dog Training Socialization Class InterviewFor Her, Training Dogs is a Walk in the ParkHelene Scott on NBS's DaytimeThe Tampa TribuneBeing the Alpha Dog is a Lot Harder than you ThinkIn the Loop
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